Shit and Flowers
I decided to take the kids to the grocery store this morning, the one across the street from my store in fact. Which is good, because I had left my purse at my store anyway. So I left the kids in the car as I intended to just go inside and grab my purse right inside the door. It was actually blocking the alley, but I say, my mom owns the alley and I will only be here moments, so I can do what I want. However, I open the door, and all the lights are on and there is someone inside, this scares the shit out of me. But it was only my photographer friend working on her stuff and I shouldn't be surprised since she has a key and she said she would be there this morning. But I digress, I stood in the doorway talking to her momentarily, never my children out of sight, but I return to the car to discover a cop had shown up in my parking lot. Happily, he had nothing to say about my child abandonment or my blocking of the alley, had I been out of my car much longer, I may have been in trouble. So I do my shopping and return home, once again leaving my kids in the car so I could call my mom's and see if she needed help with the auction book before I unloaded the kids. She did so off we went to my mom's house. I get there and there is a plumber hard at work. It is no secret that mom's sewer has been backing up in the basement, she thought she had fixed it with the draino, but I told her to go ahead and let the plumber come as scheduled. It had been determined that my adorable nephew had been dropping rocks, large and small, into the sewer pipe, and as such, blocking it up. They needed a volunteer with long spindly arms to reach into the pipe and pull them out. I was the obvious choice, and I embrase my spindly arms and ability to tolerate poo. So me and plumber guy go down the hill and begin the derockification process. Spindly arm went right down the pipe and I retrieved about three. I got the pipe all the way up to my armpit for the record. Then they were too far away. Then I got out the shopvac and we were sucking them out. Then that wasn't working anymore and plumber guy gave us some advise and left and I continued on my mission. I cleaned the air filter on the shopvac to improve suction and I put my hands around the top of the pipe so that it wasn't sucking outside air and I sucked all kinds of shit out of there. I got some more rocks, then more shit, then more rocks. I had to keep letting the water drain from the shopvac because it was getting too full. I think the raw sewage was getting to me because I threw up a little bit in my mouth. In any event, I got to the very bottom and discovered the mother of all rocks and I couldn't get it out, my mom yelled to me to stop because my kids were tearing her house apart so I stopped, ate some hot dogs real quick like and hit the road. All the creases of my palm were dyed brown from the whole incedent. You can judge for yourself what the brown was. I got the kids in bed and took a shower. I still had the sewage smell on my brain so even after the shower, I smelled like flowers from my soap, but I also still kinda smelled like shit. For the record, I did not help my mom with the auction book at all.
posted by Stacy @ 3:48 PM
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