family... kinda
Everyone has that one cousin they pretend they aren't related to, or maybe a whole branch they wish would fall off. I was so living that last night. Me, Elliott, our cousin Laurie and her daughter went to a wake last night. We represented the non-embarrasing side of the family. We saw our first cousin, Ricky. He thought I was Elliott's wife. To be fair, I think he was on drugs. Elliott was making fun of him on the way back. Laurie was all, "You share 1/4 of your genes with him, ha ha." Elliott's all, "So do you dude"My grandpa always told us the answer to the statement, "We're related!" from someone you don't know is, "Oh no we're not!" Unless I'm talking to Ricky, then its, "I'm your first cousin, retard." Some dude showed up on my grandpa's doorstep a couple of years ago claiming to be related. My grandpa was so not excited about this loser. He gave him the, 'oh no we're not' thing. This is how they were related: My grandma's father deserted his family back when they were small children. He moved out to California and got remarried and started all over with a new life and pretended like his first family didn't exsist. My grandma knew he had done this because she kept in contact with her aunt who was his sister. Anyway the guy on the doorstep was the husband of one of my grandma's half-sisters she had never met and didn't care about. Nice huh? Here's another one:
My cousin, Gary, Ricky's brother fathered a daughter right out of high school or in high school. Keep in mind, my cousins are thirty years older than me. Her name is Gwen. Things didn't work out between Gwen's parents and she lived with her mom and pretended like Gary and his family didn't exist and went on to become a productive member of society. It turns out Gwen's mother's brother works for Nicole's dad. Nicole is my brother's wife. So apparently this guy had been dying for Elliott and Nicole to get married so he would be 'relation'. At their wedding he came up to me and said, "didn't you used to be a Reed?" I thought, oh geez, I've heard about this guy. So then he went on to tell me about how we're related. Dude, you are the uncle of my illigitimate second cousin that I've never met. We are so not related.
posted by Stacy @ 8:55 AM
2 Comments:
Yeah, you got it. I've got one better. Todd got his job by way of nepitism. Because the guy that he works with is named Patrick. Patrick is Todd's wife's brother's wife's brother's wife's cousin. Believe it, it's true.
i am so lost......my brain is dead
Post a Comment
<< Home