A day in the life of Stacy

Things that aren't news

Oh man, I hate the news. Every time I watch it all I can think is, "Why are these people on TV!" "Why are they talking about this?!" Lets see what bits of wisdom were imparted on me during 15 minutes of the Today Show/Good Morning America that I watched this morning: Did you know that Tom Cruise is in love with Katie Holmes? Yeah, huge news flash. Apparently he was talking about her on the Tonight Show last night. Not to mention the interview with that Billy Bush character and Oprah. The retard on Good Morning America actually said that he didn't believe TC actually loved Katie Holmes and here's an exact quote, "You heard it here first folks, there is something up with that." Something up with that huh? You should get a promotion for that fabulous reporting. First of all, he isn't the first guy to speculate that this is all an elaborate ploy to get people to go see their movie. Second of all, I mean really, does Tom Cruise really need an elaborate ploy to get people to go see his movies? Thirdly, if it is an elaborate ploy, and you actually believe that, aren't you only feeding the beast by reporting on it? Fourthly, is it really the most unbelievable thing that an older guy falls for a younger woman? And I mean seriously, stop killing my brain cells, they hooked up, the end, there is no more story there.
Then there was a shark attack. Some kid was surfing and got bit. Wow, first time that ever happened. Does it really require an expert to come in and talk about how you should avoid dressing like a fish? If you are really that afraid of sharks, not all that hard to stay away from them. I remember when all those people were getting bit and some asshole reporter decided to go feed sharks for his story, and he got bit. He lost his balance (underwater, like I said, asshole) and started waving his hands around this big group of sharks that gathered to FEED. What a story, right? Headline: Asshole acts stupid around group of sharks and gets bit. Remember the old SNL skit about the land shark? He would knock on your door and try to trick you into opening. People would always suspect him but end up opening anyway. Classic. Symbolic? I think so. Bottom line: Sharks are in the water, if you don't want to get bit, stay out of the water. They aren't going to break into your house and eat you in your sleep.
Let's see: the other story was about some inbred looking couple that didn't want their kid to get radiation. I didn't hear the whole story but the couple didn't think they were treating their kid as an individual, they were only going by the books. Matt Lauer was trying to get them to admit it was because of religion. He's all, "But in the past you didn't want to do stuff because of religion even though you eventually went along with it... come on, its about religion, say it, say it, its good for ratings!" Matt seriously. The kid is fine. Let it go. Leave the inbreds alone. Nobody cares.
They also had a week long series about men's sexuality. Today is was about men's infertility. Matt was all, "In the past it was believed all infertility problems were the fault of the woman, now it is believed that about half of all infertility problems can be blamed on the man." No shit? Half huh? Almost like men are about half of the population. In the past like when? 1600? When some king with low sperm count kept having his "infertile" wives beheaded? Like then? Is that the past we are talking about because I don't know an doctor that would not want to test the sperm count of a man in an infertile couple. Seriously, how dumb is the audience they wrote this story for? "Low sperm count makes a man feel like less of a man" Yeah, so does throwing like a girl. Maybe they can do a story about that.

posted by Stacy @ 9:15 AM